


The Pitcher in the Grass

by Nefairyus



Category: Yellow Locust
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 19:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18976714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nefairyus/pseuds/Nefairyus
Summary: Selena and Simon continue their arduous journey to the Republic of California. On the way they encounter new friends, old enemies, and the weapon that will save them all...





	The Pitcher in the Grass

 

The Pitcher in the Grass:

A _Yellow Locust_ Fan Fiction

 

Joseph K. Burns

© 2018

 

 

The blazing sun pressed down upon the wide expanse of yellow grass, crushing everything with its hotness. There was not a man in sight, just a boy and a teenage girl walking with determination along the dusty road.

“Man, I'd suck a dick for a Pepsi about now,” Selena said wiping sweat from her forehead.

Simon laughed, despite how tired he was. “I suppose that would be quite logical,” he said and adjusted the bridge of his glasses.

“Who knew there'd be all this hot and shitty shitgrass between Fallowfield and the mountains?” Selena asked. She tugged at the straps of her knapsack. “I wish Marcus was still with us.”

“Me too. But he died,” Simon replied.

“Yup.”

“So when do we get to California?” Simon asked scientifically.

“It's a ways off yet, I think. Beyond yonder hills and the mountains.”

“How long do you think it will it take?”

“I don't KNOW Simon, fuck!” Selena snapped. She whipped her head back to face him and swung her pigtails around. Her face was twisted with rage. “You are so fucking annoying!”

Simon flinched and he looked like he was about to cry.

“Don't cry, Simon,” Selena said, “we don't have enough water for that.”

Simon straightened up again like a man. “Yeah,” he said, “that is logical.”

The two siblings walked quietly for a bit.

“How much Standard do we have left, Selena?” Simon asked.

“Not very much, Simey,” she crooned because she wasn't mad anymore. “We'll need to find a way to get some soon. Or some supplies or something.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me know if you see a town. Like in the distance or something.”

“Okay, sis,” Simon said. His eyes were sparkling and it wasn't because of the sunlight on his glasses.

They kept walking.

***

 

A day or so later they were walking and there was still shitgrass but not as much because it was closer to the mountains.

“Hey, Selena, look!” Simon squealed excitedly.

“What is it?”

“I calculate that there is a high probability of a town over there! By the mouth of the river!”

Selena looked over where Simon was pointing. She saw a small cluster of shacks next to the river and some smoke rolling out from chimneys.

“Oh, yeah!” she said.

“Maybe they'll have a shop and supplies.”

“Maybe...” Selena said, then she sighed.

“What's wrong, sis?”

“Even if they have stuff to sell we don't have much money. I hope...I hope there's a way to make money there. The only way I know how.” She clenched her fist.

“Do you mean fighting or harvesting rapeseed?” Simon asked.

“What? Obviously fighting.”

“But you knew how to harvest rapeseed too. You did it for a long time and were really good at it.”

“Simon-”

“I just think you're not giving yourself enough cred-”

“Oh my God Simon shut up!” She swung a punch at him but it missed. He felt the cool air of her abuse attempt whisk past his cheek. “And I missed that one on purpose obviously.”

“O- obviously.” Simon stammered. He smiled nervously.

“Let's go.” Selena said and they did.

 

Simon and Selena walked into the town but there was nobody around at first.

“Do you think it's abandoned?” Selena asked.

“It is highly improbable that these buildings would be so well maintained if they were abandoned,” Simon replied.

“Totally!” Selena said. Then she took a deep breath and yelled “Helloooooo! Anybody here?!”

They heard the swinging door of a saloon creak open. A man in a cowboy hat walked out and he was cleaning a glass with a rag he held in his right hand while holding the glass in his left hand.

“You ain't from roun' here, are ya?” he asked.

Simon shook his head nervously. Selena stared at the stranger.

“Well,” the man said, then spit into a spittoon. “I reckon ye ain't, if'n you don't know about the fight circle.”

“Fight circle?” Selena asked. Her eyes grew as big as saucers.

“Yeah,” the cowboy barman replied. “Out down there by the crik. Finest fighters from all o'er the lan come down here for a dust-up. Real pretty penny in it, too. That's where everybody is.”

“That's awesome!” Selena shrieked.

The man tilted his head so his cowboy hat tilted too. “You like 'em fighters, girly?”

“No!” Selena boomed with determination. “I _am_ a fighter!”

“Yeah!” Simon shouted, raising his fist.

The barman laughed a shrill whoopy laugh. “Well I'll be damned. A _girl_ what thinks she can fight. Dun that beat all.”

“I _can_ ,” Selena said through gritted teeth. “I'll prove it to you...and the world!”

“Well you go on head down there and try, sweetcheeks!” the man jeered.

“She will!” Simon retorted. “And, she will, as Archimedes said, kick some hillbilly ass!”

Selena and Simon put up their middle fingers at the man as they walked backwards toward the creek. They turned around and giggled and continued over the crest of a gentle hill. From the top of the hill they could see a big crowd in a circle by the creek shouting and waving their hands. There were people from all walks of life: cowboy businessmen, women, even some black people. They were yelling “kill him!” and stuff while a big tough guy knocked down a little gangly guy and then smashed his face with a bat.

“Wooo!” the crowd shouted and some people got money. Then two other guys walked into the ring just before Simon and Selena got there. One of them was huge and totally jacked and had a bear pelt wrapped around him. He had scraggly black hair and his face looked almost like a gorilla's. The other guy was less tall but still tall and handsome with shoulder-length locks of wavy chestnut brown hair. The beautiful guy was holding some strange silvery box in his left hand.

The crowd went quiet and the fight started. The giant guy let out a roar and lunged at the other guy. The other guy just took a step back and flicked his hair a little then dodged forward out of the giant's reach. He didn't even look at the big guy and instead took out a small screwdriver and started tinkering with the metal box.

The big guy was all mad and his face turned red and he ran at the other guy like a bull. The guy with the box stepped out of the way gently just in time so the big guy fell on his face and skidded in the mud. Everyone laughed at him. Everyone except for the flaxen haired man, who looked pensively at the box as he continued to prod it with the screwdriver.

The big guy got super pissed and yelled again and some birds flew away in the distance. He ran again and took a huge swing at the guy and the rush of air boomed like thunder and people in the crowd flinched. A bunch of dust blew up from the ground and no one could see what happened. A lady yelled “Oh no!”

When the dust settled the giant man was hunched forward like he was at the end of his enormous swing. The other man had caught his arm with a perfectly placed forearm block. Despite his size and strength, the big man just stood there quivering. You could cut the tension with a knife.

But the handsome man needed no knife. After many long seconds he simply flicked his arm toward the ground and the man smashed into the earth. As his opponent pushed himself dizzily from the sucking mud, the smaller man made the last of his adjustments to the silver box. The long chestnut locks bobbed gently as he nodded his silent approval at the device.

The huge man stood again, mad with rage. The skillful man seemed to finally take notice of him, as if remembering a forgotten errand. In a lightning-quick motion he hammered his free fist into the brute's gut, then cleaned the huge man's sweat off his hand as he stood there paralyzed. After a long pause, the smaller man finally struck the giant's throat with a single precise chop of his hand. Immediately the big guy's eyes popped out and blood gushed everywhere from his mouth and nose and eye sockets. And he died. The victor deftly sidestepped the crimson flow and walked calmly over to an old woman on the edge of the ring.

“Here you are, Esther,” he said, handing her the silver box. “Your radio is as good as new.”

The crowd burst into a huge cheer. Selena's and Simon's jaws literally dropped and they clapped hard with everyone else. People collected their bet money and the guy gave some money to the fighter who didn't die and most people were happy but some were mad that the odds were so low. Selena ran over to the guy and ran alongside him while other people were congratulating him and high fiving him.

“Excuse me!” she yelled. “Excuse me!”

The man turned to her and smiled warmly. Selena got butterflies in her stomach.

“That was amazing!” Selena said. “I'm a fighter too and that was so good.”

“Thank you, darling,” the man said. He flicked his hair away from his eyes.

“I'm Selena Flood,” she stammered. “And this is my brother- Simon, where are you?!” Selena yelled and looked around. Simon came running over holding Selena's knapsack that she forgot to pick up. Selena's face went a bit red as he ran up. The guy laughed softly.

“I'm pleased to meet you, Ms. Flood.” His emerald eyes pierced through her. “My name is Josiah,” he said. “Josiah Burnside.”

***

 

Selena fought some guys and got money. When she had all the cash she went to Simon, who was sleeping under a tree.

“Wake up, dumb-dumb!” she joked and kicked him gently with her shoe. “I need you to count my haul.”

Simon rolled over and rubbed his eyes and then put on his glasses because he can't see very good without them and had to count the money. He took one look at it and said “I calculate that this is enough to purchase supplies and provisions for us to cross the skyscrapers to the west of a rocky nature and plate techtonical origin.”

Selena's mouth hung open.

“It's enough to get us across the mountains.”

“Oh, rad!” Selena chirped. “You're like Rain Man, Simon.”

“What?”

“Nevermind,” Selena said. “I was thinking, with Marcus dead and all, maybe we should find another travel companion.”

Simon looked at her. “You don't mean...”

Selena blushed. “Well, he's a really good fighter. Maybe we could just ask him. The worst that can happen is he says no.”

“Uh, there is minimal probability that he will agree.”

“Well you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, Simon!” Selena roared. Simon looked at her but not like he was scared just impressed.

“Okay, okay,” Simon said, “I estimate that we stand to lose minimal resources by trying.”

The siblings got up and went over the saloon where they figured Josiah was because there was a crowd there. Josiah was there.

“Simon, Selena!” he called out when they walked in. “So good to see you. I heard that you are a great fighter, Selena. And Simon, you know science.”

Both of them smiled and got a little embarrassed but the crowd made room because Josiah was talking to them. Selena pulled some Standard from her pocket.

“Can we buy you a beer?” she asked.

“Thank you, but no,” Josiah replied. “It's simple soft apple cider for me – I don't partake in drunken revelry. Dulls the mind. But please, do join me for some company.”

Selena got a beer and Simon wanted to but he didn't because he wanted to impress Josiah and he had been on the road long enough to work out the DTs. They talked a bunch and then Selena's face got a little red (maybe from the drinking) and her voice trembled a little the next time she spoke.

“Josiah, I've been meaning to ask you something.”

“Oh?” he asked gently. He set down his apple cider. “What is it?”

“Simon and I are supposed to go west. To the Republic of California for...” she remembered to keep it a secret. “For Simon's science fair project. But you know, it's dangerous to cross the mountains. We could use more help.”

She leaned in and pushed her boobs together so her cleavage poked out the top of her shirt. “I really _want_ _you_...to come with us,” she said breathily.

Josiah looked at her boobs for a second then back to her face and kind of smirked a bit. He looked at Simon and saw his eyes were as big as saucers behind his glasses which didn't change in size because they're glasses. Josiah waited a dramatic length of time before talking.

“I think I will come with you.” Selena and Simon looked at each other and cheered. Josiah lifted his hand quickly.

“Wait, wait,” he said. “I said I _think_. You've made a compelling case, but of course I must discuss it with my partner first.”

Selena's gut dropped. “Your partner?”

“A travel companion, of sorts,” Josiah replied. “You will see. But now I must ask _you_ something.”

“Sure, uh, anything!” Selena said.

Josiah leaned in close this time. “How do you know I'm not a New Canaan spy?”

Everybody was quiet. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Josiah laughed musically and the Floods joined in. They clinked their glasses together in merriment.

***

 

The next day Simon and Selena went to the place where Josiah said to meet him and his partner so they can discuss the trip to California. They were walking through some yellow locust grass on the outskirts of the cowboy village and came to a clearing in it where there wasn't any. In the middle of it was a big RV with a bunch of solar panels on top. Simon was like “Ahhh!” looking at the solar panels while Selena walked up to the door.

Just before Selena got there the door opened. Josiah stepped out because he noticed them coming.

“Ah, Selena! Simon! Welcome to my humble abode,” he said.

“These panels...” Simon began. He slid his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “They're amazing!”

Josiah smiled and waved off the compliment.

“Are they for catching the rain?” Selena asked.

“No, Selena,” Simon snickered. “They collect sunlight for energy. It's a really efficient and amazing use of the space especially since it's the future where there's no power lines and stuff.”

“Oh,” Selena replied.

“They're a trifling little addition,” Josiah said, “Old technology. I can't take credit for it.”

“He's being modest,” said a deep voice from the edge of the shitgrass. The grass bent aside to reveal the strapping silhouette of a large and burly man. As he emerged the sun glinted on the caramel skin of his bare chest and yielded to the dark Samoan tribal tattoo on his left shoulder. He carried a huge bundle of firewood in his intimidatingly muscled arms.

“Josiah scavenged the materials for those panels from factories all over the midwest,” the man said as he unloaded the wood. He began snapping huge pieces in two as he spoke. “We fought through whole gangs of scavengers and tweakers to get the pieces, then he built the panels and configured them to power the RV. Now we can get around easily. And pretty comfortably, too.”

“Oh, stop it now,” Josiah said as he walked toward the man. “It was no big deal. Selena, Simon, this is my companion, Dwayne The Rock Johnson.” Josiah reached his arm around the small of Dwayne The Rock Johnson's back.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson smiled wryly. “Companion? Is that what we're calling it now?” he leaned in toward Josiah and they made out for a few seconds. Josiah came up for air and, seeing the surprise on the siblings' faces, laughed softy.

“You see now, Selena, why I was able to resist your slutting back at the saloon,” he said with a wink. Selena's face turned as red as a tomato. There was an awkward silence.

“H-h-how is this even possible?” Selena stammered.

“Selena!” Simon gasped. “Are you a homophobe?!”

“Ugh, no, stupid!” Selena said and smacked Simon's shoulder. “I mean because of who he is!” She pointed to Dwayne The Rock Johnson. The chiseled man smiled again. Simon was confused for once.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Simon, that's Dwayne The Rock Johnson. From America before it was America-That-Was. I learned about him in history class. He starred in the classic 2010 film _Tooth Fairy_.”

“Oh, of course,” Simon said all embarrassed. “This is quite illogical. How are you here?”

Dwayne The Rock Johnson stopped breaking the wood for a second and brushed some sawdust off his rippling arms. “When the war started, I was grocery shopping. There was an explosion and I slipped and stumbled into the freezer in the back. After a really long time the grocery store's power went out and I thawed out. A little while later I met Josiah.”

“Oh,” Selena said.

“Well, um, have you considered our proposition?” Simon asked quizzically.

“We did,” Josiah said and looked into his partner's eyes. Dwayne The Rock Johnson gestured with his hands like “go ahead.” “We will come with you.” Josiah said.

Selena yelped excitedly and Simon punched the air.

“We'll all ride together in the RV,” Josiah continued. “It should take us well into the mountains.”

“But what if we reach a narrow pass?” Selena asked.

“Then we'll hide it in the forest and come back for it later,” Dwayne The Rock Johnson replied. He walked over to the door of the RV and opened it and held his hand out to wave them inside.

Selena and Simon went inside and immediately freaked out. There was a kitchen with all kinds of supplies and equipment for cooking and a tech lab in there with radio stuff. There were some easels and paints in one part too and four big bedrooms (“But we'll only need three,” Josiah joked and squeezed Dwayne The Rock Johnson's hand). There was a TV and a DVD player and Blu-rays that they could play with the PS4 and it was all solar powered so it didn't matter if they were in the middle of nowhere.

“This is so cool!” the Floods shrieked in unison. Josiah and Dwayne The Rock Johnson laughed heartily.

“I'm so glad you like it,” Josiah said graciously. “Tonight we'll have a bonfire and celebrate. Tomorrow, we ride west to fulfill Simon's science fair project!”

They hung out by the fire and had fun all night.

***

 

They drove into the mountains to go to California. It took a long time. Along the way Josiah showed Simon all sorts of pointers in the tech lab and improved his science while Dwayne The Rock Johnson taught Selena how to fight better. Josiah taught Selena too when he wasn't too busy.

One day when Dwayne The Rock Johnson was driving Simon heard some beautiful serene music coming from somewhere in the RV. He calculated that it was coming from Josiah's room but couldn't figure out exactly what it was. Then he arrived at the threshold and stopped, fully stunned by what he saw.

Josiah was sitting at the foot of his and Dwayne The Rock Johnson's bed with a mysterious wooden instrument strapped over his shoulder. Four fine strings ran from the base of the long fiddle-like body across the bridge into...sheer wonderment. An vast array of wooden keys spanned the upper reaches of the instrument; Josiah's left hand worked them deftly to produce a resplendent melody. With his right hand Josiah held a short horsehair bow that he gently glided across the strings near the bridge. He noticed Simon and smiled broadly, flicking his chestnut locks away from his eyes.

Simon tried to speak, but no sound came out. Josiah answered the question that his starry eyes asked.

“It's a nyckelharpa,” he said, “An ancient Swedish tradition. I simply love it for its sound. And its whimsical spirit, of course.”

“Josiah doesn't go for the usual instruments,” shouted Dwayne The Rock Johnson from the driver's seat. “I offered to teach him guitar, but he wouldn't have it. Forever an original, that one,” he added affectionately.

“It's...beautiful,” Simon said with awe.

Josiah smiled. “I know.”

Simon stood there and took in the magical melody. Tears started to stream down his cheeks. Josiah finished the piece he was on and stopped playing.

“Are you sad, Simon? Or merely overcome.”

Simon sniffled. “I...I don't know. I am sad because I'm afraid I'll never be able to create such beauty.”

Josiah set down the nyckelharpa and stood up. He put his hands on his hips and regarded Simon warmly. “Now, Simon, that's no way to talk about yourself. Besides, music isn't your art of choice, right? It's painting.”

Simon wiped his eyes. “Yes, yes that's logical.”

“Then let's develop your artistic spirit, shall we? Come, I'll give you some tips.” Josiah put his arm around Simon's shoulders and guided him toward the easels.

As he sat down on the stool Simon looked up at Josiah. “Wow,” he said, “you're like a mentor to me.”

Josiah laughed softly and tousled Simon's hair.

***

 

A different day they were driving through the mountains and saw smoke rising in the distance.

“What is that?” Selena asked, pointing.

“Hmm,” Simon said. “I calculate that the ambient temperature is too low for that to be a wildfire. There is a very high probability of human habitation at those coordinates.”

Dwayne The Rock Johnson leaned back from the driver's seat. “Think they're friendly?” he asked.

“One way to find out,” Josiah said sagely.

They drove toward the smoke and came upon a small camp with makeshift tents made out of yellow plastic and scavenged fabric. Inside some of them were chairs like from an airplane but not in one. On the outer edge of the camp there was a broken and twisted up wreck of a small airplane. Dwayne The Rock Johnson eased the RV up to the edge of the camp and turned off the ignition.

Selena stepped out first. “Helloooo?” she called. “Anybody here?”

A short but tough-looking guy came out of one of the tents wearing a tattered rugby uniform. A few more guys came out too and stood behind him like he was the leader. Josiah, Simon, and Dwayne The Rock Johnson emerged from the RV and stood behind Selena to support her.

“Hola, eses.” The leader said. He flashed darkly stained teeth. “What brings you here, uh?”

Selena stared hard at the man. “We're pass-”

“We seek passage through the mountains,” Josiah said. “Tell me, do you know the way to California?”

“Oh no, señor, no passage here. No passage anywhere. We looked.” The leader smirked and looked at a guy who was like his right-hand man.

Simon spoke to Josiah in a low voice. “That seems quite illogical, Josiah. Traders come through the mountains all the time. It must be near here.”

“That's true,” Josiah replied. “Something is wrong, here. The uniforms.”

Simon nodded soberly. Dwayne The Rock Johnson groaned softly in agreement. There were twelve tattered rugby uniforms lying around the camp, but only six Uruguayan guys standing by the wrecked fuselage. Even Selena noticed.

“No pass through the mountains?” Dwayne The Rock Johnson asked as he walked nonchalantly toward their fire pit. “Are you sure?”

“Si, señor,” the leader said again. “Why don't you, uh, stay with us for a while, uh? Get mucho comfortable.” He motioned to some airplane seats laid out on the frosty ground.

“So you've made your own little commune up here? That's remarkable,” Josiah bluffed. “What do you eat, exactly?”

“Oh, you know,” the leader said, “we forage for the berries. Sometimes we catch the fish in the river.”

“That must go real nice with a little _filet o' teammate_!” Dwayne The Rock Johnson shouted. He lifted a charred rugby player skull from the fire pit and glared at the leader. You could cut the tension with a knife.

“You just couldn't leave well enough alone, uh eses?” The leader jerked his head to his minions and the battle began. Two guys ran at Josiah to grab him but he was too quick. He ducked out of the way and kicked one of them away.

“Simon, go into the tech lab. The device we worked on. Grab it!” he yelled while squaring up with the other guy. Simon gave a little salute and ran back into the RV.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson was beating up two of the other guys while a third guy watched too scared to throw in. He punched them and stuff and even kicked one of them. Josiah did too but with the other guys. The leader was just standing there sneering and then he put on a knuckle duster made out of plane parts.

The guy that Josiah kicked finally got up and lumbered over to where Josiah was dodging and parrying his buddy. Josiah saw him and was like “ugh” and rolled his eyes a little, then did a huge chop to the one guy's arm that broke his forearm in half so that a huge splinter of bone jabbed out of his skin. Then Josiah grabbed the bottom of that guy's arm and jammed the bone into the other guy's eye. Both of the guys were screaming as they fell to the ground writhing in pain.

Over by the fire pit Dwayne The Rock Johnson had fought the three guys for a bit but they kept getting up. He was trying to think of a solution when he spotted two solid tree stumps at the edge of the camp that had three ropy vines stretched taut between them. He ran toward the vines and threw himself into them back first. The vines sprang back and gave him a huge burst of speed. As he rushed toward the three guys he shot out his firm chiseled arm and knocked down all three of them with a wicked clothesline. He looked over at Josiah and raised The People's Eyebrow. Josiah laughed and then Dwayne The Rock Johnson did The People's Elbow on the guy in the middle and smashed his face in. Blood shot out into the other two guys' eyes and they couldn't see and lay on the ground groaning.

All that was left was the leader. He scowled at Josiah and walked up to him menacingly. He threw a punch and Josiah stepped backwards to dodge it. His chestnut locks flagged in the wind of the missed blow. The leader threw another punch, then another, but Josiah just continued his dance.

“Simon,” Josiah said in a bored voice.

Simon stood at the door of the RV holding this wacked out tesla cannon thing. His eyes were huge and wild as he charged up the device and took aim. Finally he fired it, loosing a huge arc of electricity that went right into the leader's knuckle duster and totally fucked him up. He went all rigid and started convulsing. After many agonizing seconds he hit the ground limp and smoke rolled out of his ears.

“Marvelous, Simon. Marvelous,” Josiah crooned. Dwayne The Rock Johnson clapped a strong hand on the boy's shoulder as he electrocuted the other guys to make sure they were dead. Dwayne The Rock Johnson walked over the leader's corpse and looked down on him.

“That's right, you fucker,” he said, “No one puts Josiah in his mouth but me!” Everyone laughed.

Selena prepared some bandages and patched up the guys. She put some water in the kettle for tea and came back out to the Uruguayan plane crash cannibal rugby camp.

“So where do we go next?” she asked Josiah.

“We press on, I suppose. There must be a pass nearby.”

“Hey, look at this!” said a sexy voice from within the cannibal leader's tent. Dwayne The Rock Johnson emerged holding a piece of yellowed paper. It was an old pilot's map of the California mountains with a pass labeled “Find cannibalism victims here.”

“That's perfect!” Josiah cheered.

“Exemplary!” Simon shouted.

Everyone laughed and soon enough they were on their way again.

***

 

The pass was really narrow so they left their RV in the mountains and covered it with some leaves. They got to California and it was beautiful. They walked to the nearest town and saw wide expanses of vegetables growing and not just shitgrass everywhere. There was only a tiny patch of it fenced in at the edge of town for research or something.

“Oh my god, finally!” Selena yelled and the guys laughed.

The town was smaller than they expected but quaint compared to the intimidating megalopolis of Jericho. The buildings looked to be skillfully crafted from salvaged pieces of California-That-Was. The streets were empty at first, but finally a lady walked by in clothes that weren't farmer clothes like Fallowfield or culty clothes like Jericho but just normal.

“Excuse me,” Selena asked, “can you show me where to find the government?”

“Certainly,” the lady replied. “It's over there, that's the headquarters.” She pointed to a tall building bearing the facade of an old bank and strung high with barbed wire.

Selena thanked her and turned to Simon excitedly. “This is lit, fam! Let's go!” she exclaimed.

Josiah cocked his head to the side. “Is the Republic of California government the judge of this science fair?”

“Something like that!” Selena said, her face red. Unconsciously she touched the data stick in her pocket. “Come on, Simon!” She grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward the building.

Josiah laughed heartily and turned to Dwayne The Rock Johnson. The bronze-skinned Adonis did not share in the laughter. Instead, he stared off toward the patch of yellow locust at the edge of town, almost wistfully.

“A delectable memory, sweetened with time,” Josiah said poetically. Dwayne The Rock Johnson nodded gently, then smiled.

“It was the first time. And the second.”

“The fourth, too.” Josiah grinned slyly.

“It's been a long time. You know, with those two traveling with us.” Dwayne The Rock Johnson said.

“It has indeed.” Josiah slipped his slender but powerful hand into Dwayne The Rock Johnson's muscled and virile mitt. He smiled, just slightly, and motioned toward the grass with a tilt of his head. “Shall we make it a reprisal for the five hundred and eighty-sixth time?”

Dwayne The Rock Johnson laughed. He started to speak, then laughed again. “Do you really count every time?”

“An educated guess.”

The powerful couple strode across the small town hand in hand. Though the streets were mostly empty, the population sparse, they looked carefully to ensure that their entrance into the yellow locust patch went unseen. They effortlessly climbed over the fence, Dwayne The Rock Johnson first and then Josiah, and whisked through the tall grass to the centre of the patch. The lovers stared, smoldering, into each other's eyes for a moment before Dwayne The Rock Johnson ripped off his olive green muscle shirt and Josiah threw aside his close fitting button-down.

Josiah felt Dwayne The Rock Johnson's powerful hand stroking his hair and cradling his head as they each hungrily tasted of the other's mouth. Their hearts began to hammer in a vain attempt to escape their firm and sexy chests. They passionately undressed and made out for a long time. When Josiah finally came up for air he pawed longingly at Dwayne The Rock Johnson's torso, tracing a finger down the cleft of his six pack to the treasure beyond: his johnson was rock-hard.

With a mischievous giggle Josiah reached for the two nearest stalks of yellow locust. He bent the tops of the sickly yellow reeds and snapped them at a joint near their tops. A greasy amber oil extruded into Josiah's palm and he spread it evenly across his hand. He whisked his hair out of his eyes and looked again into the deep dark eyes of Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Then, wordlessly, he reached down and started to stroke his lover's giant love piston with his lubricated hand.

“Mmmm,” Dwayne The Rock Johnson murmured, his eyes closed. Josiah pumped deftly and watched his lover melt into bliss. He continued for many long minutes, carefully pacing the motion, until the cable-like Samoan legs began to quake. Josiah stopped and, nearly overwhelmed, Dwayne The Rock Johnson collapsed slowly to his knees. He panted for a moment, then straightened his sexy neck once more as Josiah gently cradled his smooth head in his palm.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson eagerly took Josiah's turgid shaft past his full lips and deep into his throat. Josiah cried out in sheer pleasure as he was whisked into a bliss familiar and electric. He felt divine within his body, intimately enmeshed with Dwayne The Rock Johnson's, as wave after wave of pleasure made him feel more like a god. Finally, just as I feared I would peak, the hulking mass of masculinity before me stopped, unbidden, knowing the danger.

Instead, Dwayne The Rock Johnson fell forward onto his hands now, as well, and gripped the dry, exposed roots of the yellow locust. He spread his knees further apart and braced himself, digging his toes into the soil beneath the grass. Josiah broke another stalk and spread the oil in the divide of Dwayne The Rock Johnson's cheeks, deftly slicking his tight and puckered target. In a well practiced and natural motion he entered the Samoan stallion once more.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson moaned again and folded his lower lip into his teeth. “Yes, Josiah, yes!” he cried. Josiah said nothing, but increased his speed and force.

“Mmmm, give it to me, Joe!” Dwayne The Rock Johnson cried.

Josiah continued thrusting and pounding, stifling his cries. Dwayne The Rock Johnson brayed out his ecstasy and pushed back with each stroke. They rocked and lunged together, one fluid and carnal beast, until they both collapsed quivering into the grass, imbuing the parched soil with thick Polynesian seed. They lay together, arms intertwined, catching their breath as flecks of Californian sunlight filtered through the reaches of the locust.

Selena and Simon arrived at the government building.

***

 

The air seemed heavy within the makeshift headquarters of the Republic of California. A terse and severe woman intercepted Selena and Simon at the entrance. Her tone shifted from one of dismissal to allegiance, almost reverence, when the Floods told her who they were. After a quick check of their identification the security guard whisked her into the fortified innards of the building.

She waited now with Simon in a minimalist sort of command centre in what used to be the bank's vault. The gravity of the coming moment pressed upon her, and she was suddenly very tired: a hairline crack in her armour. Simon looked at her an offered a gentle half-smile. He knew, without her saying so, how she felt. The tribulations they had faced. The sacrifices: theirs and their parents'.

Finally a trio of military personnel entered the room. Two men in sharp blue uniforms with strange insignia flanked a tall woman whose face seemed strangely gentle for her station.

“I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm Commander Ronnick. These are Lieutenants Jameson and Yang, from intel. We, um, we express deepest condolences for the loss of your parents.” Ronnick's composure faltered for just a moment. “They truly were instrumental in defending our republic. They will not be forgotten.”

Selena nodded soberly.

“Now, may we see it?”

Selena reached into her pocket and withdrew the data stick. The hollow plastic felt leaden as she finally released it into Ronnick's waiting hand. The commander inserted it into a terminal at the desk. Yang took a seat and began entering the cipher that would allow access to the data. Finally, the two screens suspended on the wall filled with data about Blue Vole.

Ronnick knitted her eyebrows. “No...no it can't be,” she said. She whipped her head rapidly to Selena.“This is Blue Vole. We already- We've known about Blue Vole for months now.”

An icy needle pricked Selena's heart. “What?! How could...” was all she could manage. She felt an alien, iron-like taste in her mouth. Her heart began to pound.

“This must be the decoy,” Ronnick said.

Selena sat stunned. The corners of her eyes moistened ever so slightly.

Ronnick broke the silence again. “Your parents said there would be a decoy data stick. One would be a red herring: something that looked like sensitive intel. It would throw them off the trail if you were ever compromised. The other stick would show us the weapon that will save us.”

Selena was reeling. The walls seemed to melt around her. What was this all for? Was she just a distraction? She teetered on the edge of hysteria, but Simon's gentle hand pulled her away from it.

“She's right, Selena,” he said. His face reddened as he reached into his travel bag. He withdrew a second data stick and held it out delicately. “Mom and Dad asked me to keep it safe. Because of your period.”

“Oh,” Selena said.

Ronnick took Simon's stick and handed it off to Yang. The terminal hummed as it extracted the contents of the real stick. Finally a single file opened and displayed itself on the left screen.

“Of course!” Simon cheered. Selena sighed in relief. The three Republic personnel stared at them in confusion.

On the screen was an image of Josiah's fist.

***

 

Selena and Simon told Josiah what happened.

“Did you know?” Selena asked.

Josiah laughed softly. “I knew this was more than a science fair project.” He winked. “But I did not know I was on the data stick. I suppose it makes sense, though.”

“Positively!” Simon shouted all dorky.

“So what do we do now?” Selena asked.

Josiah thought for a moment. “I guess we go defeat New Canaan. Destroy the Blue Vole.”

“But where do we find the Blue Vole? That's the question.” Dwayne The Rock Johnson remarked sexily.

“Selena and I know someone who, if my calculations are correct, may know where we can find it.” Simon said.

“That's right, Simey.” Selena said, “And besides, he and I have unfinished business.”

 

They went back to the mountains and found the RV. They brushed the leaves off it and drove east through the mountains undisturbed because all of the Uruguayan mountain cannibals were already dead. During the drive Josiah taught the Floods some more stuff like how Selena shouldn't always hit Simon just because he's annoying. Selena found this hard to understand but learned to accept it at least on an academic level.

After many days of driving they came across a sizable human settlement stamped into the shitgrass. The ugly yellow grass sprawled out to the horizon but yielded to a fortified town surrounded by fields of rapeseed and cabbages. The walls of the city, not foreign to Selena and Simon, were now draped in a most unwelcome and familiar symbol: banners of New Canaan.

“This is it,” Selena said tensely. “Fallowfield.”

“Goodness,” Josiah said. “The Archbishop has quite the little entourage here, no? What could he want with this place?”

“I hate to say it, but they're looking for me.” Selena said.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson gasped. Josiah gently put his hand over his diamond-hard pec. “They're after you?” Dwayne The Rock Johnson asked. “Why did you come here, then? You're walking right into their arms!”

“That may be technically logically true,” Simon said, adjusting the bridge of his glasses. “However, I have an intimate knowledge of the layout of Fallowfield. I believe I could lead Selena to our contact surreptitiously.”

“Oh my god, that's right!” Selena yelled. “From when you blew up all those farmers with that bomb!”

Simon's face went as red as a tomato. “Erm, y- yes, that is the origin of my knowledge.”

“He totally fuckin' killed them. It was so sick!” Selena shouted.

Josiah and Dwayne The Rock Johnson looked at each other. Dwayne The Rock Johnson raised The People's Eyebrow but just as a facial expression not to signal that he was about to elbow drop some motherfucker.

“But if you'd left me finish, dear sister,” Simon continued, “I believe that I can lead you to him. And in case you're discovered, we will employ this obfuscation device.” He handed Selena a pair of plastic eyeglass frames with large, bushy costume eyebrows atop them. The frames bridged a bulbous plastic nose that ended in a fake push broom mustache.

“Oh, it's a Marx visage.” Selena remarked.

“That's right. Named for the Marxist revolutionaries who employed it in their espionage efforts of the 1970s.”

“Is there anything you need from us?” Josiah asked heroically.

“Thank you, but no,” Simon said. “My mathematical projections for this mission indicate that the minimum number of participants possible is the optimal choice.”

“You sure you'll be okay, little man?” Dwayne The Rock Johnson clapped both of Simon's shoulders.

“I think we'll be fine.”

“Me too,” Selena added. They all looked to Josiah.

“In that case, we proceed with Simon's plan,” Josiah declared. “Dwayne The Rock Johnson and I will stay here.”

Selena donned her Marx visage and set out into the shitgrass with Simon. Josiah put some oysters on a chilled dish and joined Dwayne The Rock Johnson in their bedroom.

 

Selena and Simon kept low to the ground as they crept through a rapeseed field. They got closer to the town and then were really careful. One time a New Canaan soldier saw Selena but luckily he had been ordered to look out for a girl and not an aging Jewish comedian.

Eventually they arrived at the big house at the centre of town. This is where The Mayor lives and that was who they were going to see.

“Hello, The Mayor!” Simon called cheerily into the house.

“Simon, my boy, is that you?” the Mayor called back. Selena and Simon waited in the hall and a few seconds later The Mayor sashayed in. He was wearing fancy kinda prissy clothes and sunglasses even though he was inside because his eyes made him look like a fuckin' _freak_.

The Mayor clapped Simon on the shoulder in a slightly molester-ish way. “I've missed you, Simon! Your paintings! And that time you blew up those farmers on purpose for me.”

“He sure is a stone cold bastard,” Selena said in a fake deep voice.

“My, my,” The Mayor said. “Where _are_ my manners?” He extended a delicate hand on a limp wrist. “My name is The Mayor. And who might you be?”

“Oh, I think you know well enough.” Selena said. She flicked off her mask and undid her hair bun and threw off her loose poncho that hid her boobs.

“Oh my god,” The Mayor said.

“That's right, Mr. Mayor!” Selena said triumphantly. “I'm here to cash in my favour from not totally fucking you up last time.”

“A favour? From little old me? I'm not quite the powerful figure you think I am.” The Mayor said forlornly. “New Canaan has rolled in now and they're the ones calling the shots.”

“We need to know where they're developing Blue Vole,” Selena said. “Tell us where the lab is.”

“Yeah,” Simon added.

They watched their reflection in The Mayor's sunglasses for a long time. “I think...I think we could help each other out here,” he began. “But I don't know if my answer alone will fully....satisfy.” He looked hungrily at Selena.

“Oh, no, Mr. Mayor. Not at all,” she replied. She sucked her finger gently, then reached under her skirt and moistened her vagina. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.

“How about we leave the kid alone to paint for a bit?” The Mayor looked at Simon. With this Simon excused himself and went to sit at one of the easels. He sighed gently at how much worse they were than the ones in Josiah's RV.

Selena and The Mayor walked hand in hand into his study. They giggled as they started to undress and threw their clothes all over the room. Selena's bra got stuck on a globe and they both laughed.

They sat on the desk and started making out and pawing at each other. The Mayor stopped kissing Selena's mouth and then kissed her neck and slid down until he started nibbling on her tits and sucking them. Selena was surprised but thought it was pretty hot so she started moaning.

“Mmm, Mommy's boobies so good!” The Mayor cried. He tore off his pants to reveal an adult diaper tented out in the front by his boner. “Give baby The Mayor those titties!” he screamed and then kept sucking.

“You're a naughty baby!” Selena flirted and she reached over and started spanking his butt. The Mayor's cries of ecstasy were muffled by Selena's boob meat. She kept spanking him for a bit and then reached down to his waist. “Time to check baby's diapy!”

The Mayor struggled and protested playfully as Selena undid the diaper to reveal his short fat cock. She inhaled sharply and did a raspberry on The Mayor's tummy two times and then the third time she did the raspberry to his dick.

“Ooooooo Mommy!” The Mayor cried.

After a bit more of that Selena yelled “Time to ride the hobby horse!” and got on him cowgirl style. She moaned and flicked her nips while they fucked harder and harder on the desk. Finally Selena could feel that she was almost there. She bounced up and down on him faster and faster.

“IT'S ALL CANON!” Selena screamed as she gushed down The Mayor's thick rod. The Mayor finished at the same time so it was a good thing they had the diaper to help clean up. They lay on the desk for a bit cooling off and giggling and kissing. The Mayor lit a cigarette and took a drag, then looked in Selena's eyes.

“Jericho.” He said.

Selena was stunned. “Oh no. No, not there.”

“I'm afraid so. There's a secret lab out in the Salters' slums. It's done up to look like an old meat packing plant. That's where you'll find Blue Vole.”

Eventually Selena and The Mayor got dressed again and left the study. Simon hadn't gotten much painting done what with all the sex noises.

“Do we, uh, did we get what we came for?” Simon asked.

“We sure did.” Selena giggled and squeezed The Mayor's hand.

“Good. I guess we should be going now,” Simon said stoically. “Oh, I nearly forgot! Happy eighteenth birthday, sis.”

“Thanks!” Selena replied.

***

 

The four heroes continued their arduous journey east to Jericho in their improbably furnished RV. One day the air conditioning went out and it was so hot they were sweating just sitting there. But Dwayne The Rock Johnson pulled over when they found a tree for some shade and then they banded together as a group and fixed it.

“I feel forever changed,” Simon said.

They kept going and eventually got to New Canaan. At the border Josiah bluffed their way in saying that he and Dwayne The Rock Johnson were there on a road trip while Selena hid in the shower and Simon in the cabinet under the sink.

“We're gonna crush some puss, brah!” Josiah cheered and offered Dwayne The Rock Johnson a fist bump.

“Yeah, bruh. Gonna fuck our dicks raw. With- with girls!”

The border guard gave them an unimpressed scoff but waved them through. Josiah and Dwayne The Rock Johnson were too crude for his tastes, but their overt display of heterosexuality was reassuring considering they were two men traveling and apparently living together. Homosexuals were not allowed in New Canaan because it was the author's idea of paradise.

They drove to the Salter part of town and waved over an urchin boy with a dirty face and a newsboy cap.

“Oi, whatchu want, govna?” he asked Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

“How 'bout you watch our RV?” the sultry Samoan asked.

“Aye, I could, mister. Fer a pretty penny, o' course.”

Dwayne The Rock Johnson held up a wad of Standard and peeled off one bill. “You'll get the rest when we get it back in one piece.” He let the single bill fall gently to the grimy earth.

“Cheerio, guvna!” the street boy said, scooping up the bill.

Josiah and Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Selena and Simon got their stuff and got out of the RV. The Salter slum stank of inferiority and probably drove down the property values of the nearest Seraphim houses which was really selfish.

“Do you know where this...meat packing plant is, Selena?” Josiah asked, his otherworldly beauty a saving beacon in the hideous environs.

“Yes. I know it well from my trips out here to throw down in the circles of blood.” Selena's tone was almost wistful. “It's at the corner of Perdition Road and Lazarus Way.”

They looked at Simon to make sure. He nodded.

“Then it's time to kick some meat packing plant ass!” Dwayne The Rock Johnson said. He raised his fist powerfully.

 

When they got to the fake meat packing plant it was getting dark and they were on the wrong side of the tracks. A bunch of Salters emerged from the shadows all around them. Some of them were sneering and holding clubs and big chains and stuff. They wondered if the general attractiveness of Josiah and Dwayne The Rock Johnson was what had drawn the mob's attention but then they saw the dirty-faced urchin boy among the crowd.

“Heard you got lotsa Standard,” one of the Salters said. He tapped a baseball bat against his hand.

“There's about a dozen of you and just four of us,” Dwayne The Rock Johnson said. “That's hardly a fair fight.”

“Huh, _fair_.” The Salter spit on the ground. “We ain't never had a fair shake in life. You think we earned this life? Just ain't pulled our bootstraps hard enough to live in them fancy Seraphim towers?”

“Look, your lot in life is none of...” Dwayne The Rock Johnson trailed off as he noticed that Josiah was no longer standing with them. He looked up and saw that Josiah had simply walked through the crowd and opened the door of the secret lab, perceiving no threat at all to someone of his power. Dwayne The Rock Johnson shook his head and let out a half laugh before the other Salters attacked.

Selena used her fighting instincts to take on a couple guys at once. Dwayne The Rock Johnson started kicking ass too with all his pro wrestling experience. Simon shouted mathematical calculations to optimize the damage Selena and Dwayne The Rock Johnson did with their strikes and told them when to dodge.

One foolish Salter attacked Dwayne The Rock Johnson with a folding chair which is like fighting fire with nitroglycerin. When the ungodly powerful caramel man was finished, the inner frame of the chair was firmly embedded in the Salter's skull, softly sizzling where the bone had fused with steel.

They killed all the guys and then were ready to go inside. Dwayne The Rock Johnson stayed outside to stand guard and told Selena and Simon they should go inside to meet Josiah. The siblings followed a trail of dead scientists into a large room with dozens of glass cylinders containing different specimens of grass: dried seeds, dissected stalks, pregnant seed heads.

“Simon,” Josiah asked from the shadows, startling them. “Which one is Blue Vole?”

Simon looked around and calculated as hard as he could. He started to sweat. There were so many specimens and he could only think so hard.

“It's, um, its- I think-”

Josiah laid his hand gently on Simon's shoulder. An immense wave of relief washed over him.

“Thank you,” Simon said. He had stopped hyperventilating. “It's this one over here. It looks to be the only completed and viable prototype.”

Josiah smiled wanly. “Then now is the time. What you and your parents strove for. For America-That-Was. And for the world.”

He raised his closed fist above the glass vial. Selena reached out and clasped it firmly. Simon did the same. All at once they swung downward and smashed Josiah's fist through the vial, breaking the Blue Vole specimen into countless pieces. A shock wave of force blew out and destroyed all the computers around and deleted their hard drives too. A security system turned on that put up these big shields on all the other vials so it mattered that Simon picked the right one.

Selena started to laugh. It started as a giggle, then swelled to a hearty chuckle. In near hysteria she shed the weight that she had carried for so long. Simon stared at her incredulously, then joined in himself. Josiah smiled gently.

“That was fuckin' sweet!” Selena cried. “Now let's go pick up Dwayne The Rock Johnson and get the fuck outta here!”

“That sounds splendid,” Josiah said.

But when they got outside it was not splendid. There were a bunch of Templars there. They looked over and saw the Archbishop pointing a gun at Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

“Hello there, meddling stranger,” the Archbishop said to Josiah.

“If you do anything to my Dwayney, I swear to God-”

“I am quite confident that God is on my side. I think it would be best if you came with me.”

Josiah considered how quickly he could kill the Archbishop and determined, sadly, that he would be slower than the bullet. Barely.

***

 

The Red Theatre beckoned. The Salters trudged in somberly. The Seraphim ambled in gradually, talking and laughing amongst themselves. The bloody, brutal, righteous spectacle was about to begin.

“My dear children,” the Archbishop began, “today we eradicate a psychotic fool who sought to undermine the holy nation of New Canaan. A dangerous terrorist!”

The crowd booed.

“And a suspected sodomite!”

The crowd booed harder.

“A disgusting degenerate who sought to destroy all that we have. All that we are. But we will rectify this mistake. We will bathe him in the blood of the Lamb. He will live our saviour's agony and be cleansed from this world.”

He pulled a huge red cloth off a stand behind him to reveal a cross. The crowd exploded with righteous rage as a pair of Templars marched Josiah out to it.

“We will end him first and then we will end his co-conspirators!” the Archbishop shouted and he motioned to the far end of the stage. Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Selena, and Simon stood there in shackles and guarded by Templars.

The crowd was whipped into a fury again. In the din the Templars bound Josiah's arms to the cross. When the noise finally subsided one of the Templars withdrew a huge iron nail from a crimson, gilded chest and held its tip to Josiah's wrist. A silence, engrossing and evil.

The hammer swung. Seraphim and Salter alike cheered heinously as the nail pierced through Josiah's arm. A stream of bright red blood trickled out, a tribute to their applause.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Selena and especially Simon cried out in grief. Their hopes were rent asunder; their worldview, destroyed. How could this happen? How could they break Josiah? The three of them were simply numb as the Templars drove the second nail in.

Josiah tossed his head gently toward them. He regarded them warmly, seeking to mend their breaking hearts. He waited for a lull in the cheering of the crowd to speak.

“Forgive them,” he said, “for they know not what they do. They are certainly going to regret...crossing me.” The briefest glint of mischief flashed across his eyes. His audience, the doomed trio, looked at him with an affectionate fear.

The creaking began quietly at first. It seemed an illusion, the bending of solid oak. The straining of Josiah's arms looked like convulsions: mere death throes. A clever few in the crowd noticed it early, but their silence was brief before it was replaced by fearful whimpering.

The arms of Josiah's cross snapped as he flexed his arms forward. He leapt from the cross bearing grim tonfas of splintered wood bound to his arms by the nails. Instantly he struck the nearest Templar in the head and dropped him cold. He spun around just in time to parry the second Templar with one wrist-mounted weapon and obliterate his nose with the other.

The Archibishop mobilized the other Templars with frantic gesticulations. They left their post at the other prisoners' side and ran toward the mad angel fearfully.

“I'm afraid they can't save you now, Archbishop.” Josiah said coolly. “You see, you're about to be double-crossed.”

“Wh-What?!” the Archbishop shouted. “Who among my flock would betray me?”

Josiah just laughed softly. He walked over to the crosses set up for Selena and Simon and tore each out at its base. He swung them in a wide arc around him, narrowly missing the approaching Templars. One Templar flinched so hard that he fell over backwards. They were quickly overwhelmed – flung from the fray with bruised ribs from a crosswise swing or crippled by a smashed foot from an overhead.

Josiah calmly approached the withered old Archbishop, who stammered and bargained and shrieked. With one powerful sweep of Simon's cross he knocked the dictator on his ass. With an overhead swing of Selena's he smashed his head like an egg. His chestnut locks bobbed as he stooped to the Archbishop's corpse.

“Ding dong,” he said. “The witch is dead.” He smirked.

Josiah found the least dead of the Templars and forced him to free Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Selena, and Simon, then he collapsed with exhaustion into Dwayne The Rock Johnson's waiting arms.

“Is he going to be okay?” Simon asked tearfully.

“Yes, yes I will, Simon,” Josiah replied. “This is not over yet. We need-” He winced. “We need to teach them to rebuild.”

“I understand,” Dwayne The Rock Johnson said. He supported Josiah as they all walked out of the theatre. A huge crowd formed behind them of Salters and Seraphim alike. Selena turned to see, with astonishment, that they were not hostile, but smiling. They followed the heroes out into the streets of Jericho and formed an adoring entourage as they stopped briefly at the RV. Dwayne The Rock Johnson passed Josiah off to Selena and Simon and entered the RV. He emerged a few seconds later with Josiah's nyckelharpa and delicately threaded its strap over his lover's shoulders.

Josiah began to bow the strings, and a huge cheer erupted behind him. He turned slowly to look at them and then raised his hand in triumph. He began to walk while playing a beautiful song and led the people he had so inspired. They hummed and sang along to the ethereal and heavenly tune until they reached the edge of the city and the outer reaches of the yellow locust.

Josiah finished the song. He carefully removed the nyckelharpa and handed it to Dwayne The Rock Johnson. He summoned his strength again to power his voice and addressed the new order of New Canaan.

“Everyone, now you have seen the power of true love. You lived under the boot of hatred and fear for so long, but no more! You must care for one another: Seraphim, Templar, and Salter. Whether someone is rich or chooses to live in a dirty slum, you must cooperate. You must rebuild. This, I have spoken.”

The cheers subsided to sobs and tears of joy as Josiah turned to face the grass once more. He closed his beautiful eyes and crossed his wounded arms across his chest. For many moments the crowd waited, awed and grateful, until they had cause to gasp again. A brilliant green light emanated from Josiah's body and coalesced into a chain of luminous orbs around him. A bizarre yet benevolent humming sound followed the orbs as they swirled through the air. Josiah strained heroically as he raised his arms. The orbs grew brighter and larger until they appeared to consume the horizon. The light surged to an overwhelming swath of green before suddenly flashing away.

Josiah cried out briefly as a burst of wind rushed through him. A heavenly green afterglow enshrouded the fields of grass, then slowly faded. The crowd strained to see the dying light in the darkness, and slowly realized that they could not see the grass at all. It was gone.

Josiah collapsed to the ground and Dwayne The Rock Johnson rushed over to care for him. Selena and Simon stood stunned, gazing out over the empty fields that had once been strangled with the damnable grass.

“That's right,” Dwayne The Rock Johnson said, “it's all gone. He finally did it. It was finally the right moment.” He looked affectionately at his unconscious lover's face.

Simon snapped out of his daze and smiled broadly. “This is incredible!” he squealed. “I calculate that all of the conceivable problems we could face have been solved!”

“Hell yeah!!” Selena cheered.

Dwayne The Rock Johnson laughed heartily. “I think that means that we're finally going on the honeymoon we always talked about. To my homeland.”

“Of course,” Simon said as he wiped tears from his glasses. “Samoa.”

“Will we ever see you again?” Selena asked.

“Oh, I suspect you will.” Dwayne The Rock Johnson winked. “Now I've got to get this guy back to the RV. The Samoa express leaves presently.” He smiled as he carried Josiah away.

“We did it,” Simon said to Selena in almost a whisper. “What Mom and Dad wanted for us.”

“We did, Simon. They- They would be so proud.” Her voice quavered. “And Josiah.”

“I'm really going to miss him, you know.” Simon said. “He was like a mentor to me.”

Selena clutched Simon's shoulders, then hugged him. “I will too,” she said. “He was some dank shit, bro.”

The roar of an engine and a vigorous burst of wind drew their eyes skyward. The RV soared overhead on foldout wings, rocketing off to the next world in need of saving.

 


End file.
